Church Leader: Welcome all to the 1st meeting of Church of Saint Enron. You have all been invited to our church for a number of reasons:
Number 1: You are all upset with Pope Francis for his unreasonable support of gay marriage, advocating action to halt climiate change and, most notably, his stand on helping the poor.
Church dude: Fuck the poor!
Church gal: Hear, hear!
Church Leader: Let me continue.
Number 2: We are aware there are other religious leaders out there that support Pope Francis’s pathetic stance of this environmental nonsense and “Peace on Earth” shit and we, as a group will no longer stand for this kind of thing.
Church members: General noise
Church leader: Number 3: We are grieved at the loss of perfectly good corporations due to lack of governmental financial support and wish to resurrect the memory of Enron as our patron saint.
Church members: All hail St. Enron!
Church leader: Number 4: We have noted that some religious groups have turned their own religions into dynamic money making operations complete with gift shops and we definitely want a piece of this action!
Church dude: Let’s sell relics! Like fraudulent financial papers and chunks of broken oil pipelines!
Church gal: Hear, hear!
Church leader: All right, all right! Settle down. We have some business to conduct here, I mean church issues to pray over. The first one is whether or not women are allowed in to the membership.
Church gal: Hey! I was invited too!
Church dude: Some one has to make the coffee.
Church gal: Hey!
Church leader: That’s enough. Let’s keep to the original rules as printed clearly in your invitation: Are you unreasonably wealthy? Are you willing to destroy anything or any one who stands in your way for profit? Are you well connected to political party leaders around the world? Are you white?
Church gal: Absolutely! In fact, my family has owned mountain top removal mining companies since the day we figured out how to import more child labor from disenfranchised immigrant families. Now we invest in artic drilling.
Church leader: Excellent but here is the most important question. Did you take the morality quiz?
Church gal: Yes! I flunked it.
Church dude: Me too!
Church leader: There. You see. As long as you follow our rules and have no moral standing but can fake it with public outrage, even women can be members of St. Enron.
Church gal: Sweet!
Church leader: You just have to pay a higher tithe and surrender control of your reproductive rights to church leadership.
Church gal: Damn it.
Church dude: Can I be a bishop?
Church leader: Depends on your company’s stock profile. Or … uh … I mean. Let us pray.
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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