Church of Enron and Ted Cruz – Snarky Skits

Secretary: Bishop George? I have a pilgrim seeking membership in the Church of St. Enron waiting room.

Bishop: Who is it?

Secretary: It’s Ted Cruz, sir. He’s a senator from Texas.

Bishop: Never heard of him. Is he related to Tom Cruise?

Secretary: No sir. Sorry.

Bishop: Too bad. I like that guy. Good couch jumper too. Why am I interviewing this Cruz guy? Why doesn’t he just apply through the regular process. All he has to do is fail the morality test and write us a check.

Secretary: He did that, sir but the CEOs, I mean, the church elders think he has a conflict of interest.

Bishop: Good, good. Send him in.

Secretary: Bishop George will see you now, Senator Cruz.

Bishop: Come in, senator. Have a seat. Do you know why you are here?

Cruz: Yes sir. The St. Enron church elders think that my refusal to renounce the Catholic Church precludes my membership in St. Enron.

Bishop: Yes, we demand absolute loyalty from our members. You might call it a monopoly of faith.

Cruz: But I thought this was a church dedicated to making money by any means possible. Isn’t the church part just a tax write off?

Bishop: You come into our place of worship and sprew this blasphemy?

St Ronald of the Church of Enron

St Ronald of the Church of Enron

Cruz: But the stained glass windows feature 100 bills from around the world and the statues are corporate icons like Ronald McDonald.

Bishop: Are you questioning our piety? Do you have any idea how lucritive this church has become in the last few weeks. We have stockholders…. um….parishioners from all over the world lining up to join St. Enron. Repent sinner!

Cruz: I am a Catholic. How can I belong to 2 churches?

Bishop: Let’s find out what kind of a Catholic you really are. Do you believe that the pope is the voice of God?

Cruz; Yes. That is why the pope is considered infallible.
Bishop: So you are working to halt climate change? Pope Francis clearly stated that human activity started it and we should work to stop it.

Cruz: Oh hell no! I have too much money locked up the oil and gas industry. The Pope should leave the climate change science to the scientists.

Bishop: Scientists also blame climate change on human activity and we both know that Pope Francis has his Master’s in chemistry.

Cruz: I am so confused. Maybe I am not a Catholic after all. Maybe I should recant.

Bishop: Don’t be an idiot. Gas and oil are where the money is. Keep doing what you are doing and we will let you become a secret member of St. Enron. Money is our god. Keep telling the voters that you are still a Catholic so you can win their votes.

Cruz: How do I keep up the illusion of faith?

Bishop: Distract them! Make up something about the gay agenda or tell them that Obama is going to take thier guns. Every time you accept a check from the oil and gas industry, St Enron knows where your faith truly lies.

Cruz: Thank you, Bishop George. I have much to learn.

End

 

Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved

Want more snark? Download Chaos Theory Radio episodes for free!

(Previously known as OTMC Live)

 

This entry was posted in Snarky Skits and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Church of Enron and Ted Cruz – Snarky Skits

  1. Carol says:

    Love it. He is going through the motions (sometimes) but I doubt he’s an actual evangelical or any other kind of Christian.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *