Cast of Characters:
Scott: Absolutely! When I heard that Ellen Page snuck up on you and asked all those scary questions about homosexuals, I knew that I couldn’t let you grill alone.
Ted: That’s right! We will show the press that Scott Walker and Ted Cruz are united against gay rights.
<Soundtrack from Jaws>
Scott: What’s that sound?
Ted: That’s her! That’s her! She’s sneaking up on us now!
Scott: You call that sneaking? She’s right in front us. She’s in a line with the other voters.
Ted: She’s getting ready to attack! Back you vixen!
Ellen: Senator Cruz and Governor Walker, I have a question for the 2 of you. How do you stand on LGBTQ rights?
Ted: Religious freedom! Isis beheadings!
Scott: Al qaeda! Al qaeda! Al qaeda!
Ellen: What does that have to do with my question?
Ted: She coming around for another strike! Throw a pork chop at her! She’s probably a vegetarian!
Scott: No! Stop we have to think this through! They can smell fear.
Ellen: They? Who’s “they”?
Scott: Christians hate gays and we hate Isis so you are a terrorist! If we let you gay things up in America, it will be like we are soft on terrorism.
Ellen: That makes no sense. If you are suggesting that allowing religious extremists like ISIL to continue persecution and oppression of citizens, then I agree. Religion is not a trump card for allowing abuse. If that applies to Islamic extremists, it must also apply to Christian extremeists. In a healthy democracy, your job as an elected official must be to protect all citizens from oppression no matter what the motivation.
Scott: Hmmm. I never thought of it that way. That makes sense.
Ted: Snap out of it, Scott! Don’t let her attack your mind! You are a knee jerk politician! Forget the citizens. We are already giving them pork chops. Don’t go over board! Think of the Koch brothers! Stay with me buddy!
Scott: The Koch brothers? Oh, my god! Corporate interests! I’ve been blinded by logic. Back up Ellen Page! You almost got me with your wiley ways!
Ted: Conversation over, man!
Ellen: Very well but I’ll be back … for a sequel!
<soundtrack from Jaws resumes>
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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