Announcer: Two fer Tuesday! Two fer Tuesday! Two fer Tuesday!
Grab the family and head on down to Honest Cal’s Used Politician Lot. We have acres of politicians available for your cause driving pleasure. We have congressmen, congresswomen, senators, governors, and state department leads of every model and color just waiting for you to test drive them.
This Tuesday and this Tuesday only we are running a special deal. Buy one politician, get another one of equal or lesser value free!
Customer: But I don’t have room in my garage for another politician. They take up so much room already.
Announcer: No problem! These politicians are gauranteed space savers! Take this model here. This is a classic 1970 Wisconsin Congressional rep who was recently considered a candidate for the Speaker of the House role. He has voted aggressivley against the family leave act for years but listen to this baby purr:
Paul Ryan voice over: “I cannot and will not give up my family time.”
Announcer: Wants family leave but won’t grant family leave. Ya can’t bet that for hipocracy. You can look forward to decades of the same from this model.
Customer: Gee, that’s great! Now I can oppress working class families and still claim to be pro-family! What a deal!
Announcer: That’s right! And there is more where that came from. Is health and safety your Super Pac’s funding source? We have a wide variety of politicians with a service record of talking up healthcare while simutaneously trashing public health.
Customer: Hey, I own an insurance company. Pro-healthcare? That will threaten my bottom line.
Announcer: Have I got the used politician for you! This 1950 Arkansas governer has a long road record of battling the ACA and recently tried to ban Planned Parenthood access to all citizens of his state!
Customer: Well, sure. That’s got good traction over the lives of women and the poor but but I can’t let my customers know how much I’m fleecing them.
Announcer: Not to worry! Check out the rims on this workhorse:
Asa Hutchinson voice over: I want to start by thanking the physicians, the nurses and healthcare providers who have labored in the trenches of healthcare in Arkansas, improving our quality of life, working with those who need care. You have been on the front lines. You are committed. You are passionate. And I am grateful for you.
Customer: That sounds great!
Announcer: You bet it does and this Tuesday is the day to drive your own politician off the lot. Thanks to unlimited campaign finance rules, the selection has never been better.
Honest Cal has the politician for your Super Pac needs.
Two fer Tuesday! Two fer Tuesday! Two fer Tuesday! Get your Super Pac to Honest Cal’s Used Politician Lot today.
(Cash only. No refunds.)
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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