Alien Protest

Alien Protest

protest fistSetting: Outside a capital building, a group of angry protesters waving signs that say “Deportation Now” or other anti-immigration rhetoric.

Protester 1:  Down with Aliens! Down with Aliens! Send ’em home!

Protester 2: Build a wall! Build a wall!

(2 new protesters show up)

Protester 3: My brothers! We have come to join you! We are also against aliens!

Protester 1: Welcome! Do you have signs?

Protester 4: We just made them last night!

Protester 1: Great! Our chant is “Down with Aliens”

Protester 4 gives a sign to his friend. It is a drawing of a space alien. He waves it and shouts the slogan.

Protester 2 joins in.

Protester 1: Stop! Hold on. What’s on your sign?

Protester 3: An alien. The worst kind. A gray. They don’t stop at probing cattle…if you know what I mean?

Protester 1: No. That’s not the aliens we’re talking about. We are protesting job stealers.

Protester 3: The lizard people? I hate those aliens too. I would have drawn a lizard person but the greys are so much easier. Round head, big eyes and just a line for the mouth.

Protester 2: Lizard people?

Protester 4: Lizard people live in the skin of humans and infiltrate the media and the government. We have had a lizard person as president since the 60s. They are everywhere. Real job stealers.

Protester 2: They steal your skin and your job. I saw that on “Men in Black” except it was a bug.

Protester 4: Hollywood only gets half the truth.

Protester 2: Whoa! It was a documentary!

Protester 1: No, no, no. That’s just a movie. We are protesting Mexican aliens. We want to build a wall.

Protester 3: A wall won’t keep ’em out. You got to have a lot of aluminum foil and underground bunkers.

Protester 2: I like bunkers. Are all aliens bad?

Protester 4: No. ET was ok.

Protester 3: ET was a myth!

Protester 4: No he wasn’t. Just because you don’t like Reese’s pieces doesn’t make him a myth. Just because you have a peanut allergy, doesn’t mean that aliens without it aren’t real.

Protester 1: ET??? What is going on here?

Protester 3: I am a half human/half alien hybrid. My peanut allergy clears shows that alien blood is not suited for life on this planet.

Protester 4: (taunting) Peanuts.

Protester 3: (recoiling) Brrrr.

Protester 4: (taunting) Peanuts.

Protester 3: (recoiling) Brrrr.

Protester 4: (taunting) Peanuts.

Protester 3: (recoiling) Brrrr. You’re giving me a rash on my 1/2 alien skin!

Protester 1: Peanut allergy? What does this have to do with building a wall?

Protester 2: Aliens can fly over the wall in their floating bicycles.

Protester: 1: You’re an idiot.

Protester 2: You can’t talk like in front of my new friends. I’m going home.

Protesters 3 and 4: ET go home! ET go home!

Protester 2 smiles and waves as he leaves.

Protester 1: You’re all idiots!

Protester 3 and 4: ET go home! ET go home!

Protester 1 throws up his hands and leaves.

Protester 3 and 4 wait for the protester to leave as they signal for the audience to be quiet. They give each other a high 5s and bring out new signs saying, “No one is illegal”

Protester 3 and 4: Equal rights for All! Equal Rights for All!

 

END

 

 

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