Dave: Tonight we have the privilege of interviewing current Vice President and future presidential candidate Joe Biden. Welcome to NPR, Mr. Biden and congradulations on your bid as Democratic nominee for the presidency.
Biden: Thank you for having me, Dave. It is very flattering that you are such a strong supporter but I am not running for president. It is very kind though. I am trying to get out of the lime light but President Obama talked me into this one last interview.
Dave: We are glad he did but you say you are not running? You mean not running yet. You stood strong in the debate last week against Hilary Clinton and we know that you will sweep the Democratic Convention this in 2016.
Biden: Again, that is very kind but I have family matters to attend to so I am not running. Also, I should mention that I was not one of the debators last week. Are you thinking of Bernie Sanders. We are both old white guys.
Dave: Ha, ha, ha. Bernie who? No, I was definitely thinking of you. Didn’t you read the NYTimes review of your performance? They loved you. I have a question. What did you mean when you said, “I don’t think the revolution is coming.” Does this make you a status quo candidate?
Biden: I never said that. Jim Webb said that and I am not a candidate. In regards to status quo, I am concerned about this in America. The president and I have been frustrated in our efforts to change the status quo to help low income Americans and the ACA (commonly known as Obamacare) was just one step in that direction. No one should vote for a status quo candidate. We need more change for America to survive.
Dave: Ha, ha, ha! Good point, sir. That’s why eveyone loves you. Now could you explain your take on building America’s credibility after the Iraq War? Ms. Clinton refused to respond to you after that comment.
Biden: She did not respond to me because it was Chaffee that made that statement. I wasn’t there and I am not running.
Dave: Well, it seems you are keeping us in suspense on that issue. Ok, we are running out of time, sir, but I wanted to congratulate you on your support of Clinton by making it public that no one cares about the email scandal …
Biden: (interrupts) That was Sanders.
Dave: … and your graceful exit notes on how well every one debated without tearing others down or making racist remarks.
Biden: That was O’Malley. How many times do I have to say this? I am NOT running!
Dave: I wish you luck in your race towards the presidency, sir.
Biden: Are you listening to anything I am saying? <sighs> Ok, fine. Have it your way. I am running for president and my running mate is Captain Kangaroo. I already have a cabinet picked out: Napolean Bonaparte is going to be Secretary of State, Foghorn Leghorn is Secretary of the Interior, and I am replacing the Supreme Court with Cecil the Lion’s orphaned cubs. There! Did any of that sink in?
Dave: You heard it here first, listeners! Joe Biden is running for president and it appears that he is relying on a member of the military as his vice president. This is Dave Burgundy, signing out.
Biden: What a nightmare. Thanks Obama.
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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